Swine Flu?

There’s a very important issue I need to address right now. Swine flu! Actually it’s not swine flu itself I’m going to talk about it’s the absolute stupidity that generally accompanies an “epidemic” such as this. (I put epidemic in quotation marks because even though its classified as an epidemic by the World Health Organization, I’d hardly call a disease that has infected less than 1000 people an “epidemic”). Anyways some of the things people are doing in response to the flu are completely insane. The government of Egypt has decided that the first step to making sure that none of its citizens get the infection is to slaughter every single pig and piglet in the land. I’m sorry… WHAT!! That isn’t going to solve anything. A) There hasn’t even been a single case of the disease in all of Egypt, in fact in all of Africa. B) The disease was only in a few pigs in Mexico and then it got passed to a few humans in Mexico who then passed it on to America, and then subsequently the rest of the world. That means C) none of the pigs in Egypt have the disease so which political moron issued the order to slaughter all of them. Hey Egypt, why not invest all the money you would have spent on killing all the pigs in Egypt, into getting flu vaccines for all the citizens. That’s pretty much all it takes.

Next on the Agenda, here in the sunny state of California people are flipping out because of the disease, rushing to stores to buy countless little bottles of Purrel, to insure their survival in this time of crisis. No word of a lie a classmate at school is scared for her life with this flu running amuck. REALY?!? The virus has only managed to claim one life in all of the United States, and it was a baby in Texas. That’s the mass killer we’re all hiding from. It killed a baby. You know what else kills babies? Plastic Bags! Why not join the ranks of other countries like Egypt and start a massacre of plastic bags; it’s easily the next logical step.
Finally, my favorite piece of mass hysteria. Some genius in England created a website incredibly similar to the BBC’s site. On that site he wrote a fake article about a side effect of swine flu, get this, ZOMBISM! What’s worse is that countless people around the world believed him. Here’s an excerpt of his article.

“After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of its victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways... The Netherlands confirms its first case of zombie swine flu, in a three-year-old boy recently returned from Mexico. After passing away early this morning, he rose from the dead and lunged at his mother.”

I don’t know whether I want to bow down and worship this guy for being the creative genius behind this, or punch him in the face for tricking a bunch of idiots in babbling about the rise of the dead and our race’s impending doom.

Either way I know that I won’t fall into the hysteria, matter of fact I’m going to do everything I can to go against the grain on this one. That means never washing my hands and biweekly pig farm visits. So a note to all those who bump into me, rather than a hand shake, a simple a wave is your best bet.

Also for those who don’t believe me, here’s the site:
http://bouncewith.me.uk/europe/8027043.htm