Prom Dress Pandemonium!

As I was walking to class this morning, hoping that my history teacher would postpone our final, I caught a glimpse of a strange looking poster hanging on the wall. It was in the shape of an hourglass and it read “Got used prom dresses? Why not donate them to homeless girls all around Marin County.” This infuriated me. I immediately grabbed the poster, tore it off the wall, leaving it on the ground for who walk by to step on.
Now before everyone starts discussing their universal hate for how cruel and uncompassionate I am, hear me out.

One, I live in Marin County, the only people who are considered poor here are the ones with only two Mercedes’ in their driveways. I live in practically the richest place in all of California so I doubt there’s a large constituency of teenage girls who can’t afford prom dresses.

Two, even if there were homeless people in Marin, I doubt any of them are going to prom. You see when your homeless the first thing on your mind isn’t “Oh Crap! I can’t afford a prom dress for prom next week.” It’s something more along the lines of “Oh Crap! I can’t afford food to stay alive till next week.” So maybe we shouldn’t be collecting used prom dresses and instead start collecting donations. Next, and I mean this with no offense to anyone, but when you’re poor chances are you’ve had a little bit of trouble finding a prom date, especially if you’re a girl. Most dudes are shallow and aren’t all lining up to have their shot at taking “Down on her Luck Donna” to prom.

Finally, has the world fixed itself so much that the only charity the school could find to support is one that helps the homeless by giving them dresses? Are there no more wars or famine or diseases that need tending to that we’ve had to go this far down the list to aiding “Girls who will be kinda bummed out because they have no dress for prom.”? There’s got to be a cripple around here somewhere who could use our attention more than these girls.
Furthermore, this isn’t only the most ridiculous charity ever, most likely created by an Ex-Marin County beauty pageant contestant or a 4th grader, but it’s sexist. I don’t see a charity asking for used tuxedos for boys who won’t be going to prom this year. Not only was this absurd charity not properly thought out but I’m fairly certain that sexism of this nature is also unconstitutional.

I hope that whoever organizes charities at my school is the first to read this so they can finally get their head out of the clouds and snap out of the utopian society they think they live in where there are no bigger issues to tackle than who’s going to prom and who isn’t.