You Know What I Don't Get?

I don’t get children’s television shows today. Exactly what kind of moral values are the television programs of today trying to teach children between the ages of four and twelve. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m an immense advocate for television and the enormous waste of times that generally accompanies it. Were it up to me every room in the house would contain a flat screen and that would go double for bathrooms. However it is because of the countless hours I’ve spent in front of my television set that I have acquired a heightened taste, or awareness if you will, of quality TV.

This isn’t to say that I have entirely lost faith in all television programming. God knows I’m a huge fan of sports and primetime, actually the teachers who grade my essays know that I’m a huge fan of sports and primetime, but the point I’m making is that as a whole I am not impressed by the less than stellar effort television producers have been putting into the cartoons of today.

Specifically, I have a big problem with Sponge Bob Square Pants. Since when did it become popular to invent TV shows right after taking shrooms? If you are unaware with this phenomenon, allow me to enlighten you. Sponge Bob is a children’s show that takes place underwater in a city called Bikini Bottom (Sexual innuendo much?). It stars a most likely homosexual sponge named SpongeBob. He works at a bankrupt burger joint, for his greedy boss, a crab. His best friend is a semi-retarded Starfish named Patrick. Other protagonists of this show are a squid suffering from extreme depression, and a female squirrel from Texas that is also an astronaut. I don’t know what kind of committee approved the airing of this show, which reminds me of your average acid trip, and even more importantly, who hired the creator of this show, a man who is probably a raging drug addict.

Aside from the disgraceful plotline, there is clearly much racial underlining in the show that television execs have carefully placed within the cartoon, taking for granted the innocence and naivety of today’s young. This may have fooled others but I won’t let it slip by me. To start things off there’s Mr. Krabs. His greediness and reluctance to spend money and the fact that he will risk his life and the lives of those around him for the smallest of pocket change is clearly an innuendo for Jewish stereotypes. In one episode he sold the soul of all his employees for the change that can be found in the pocket of a hundred year old ghost. Next the most obvious racism is exhibited in Patrick Star. Slow and dim-witted, Patrick deserves nothing more in the show except for a closer parking space for his apparent handicap. However, the racist undertone of the show is obvious. Patrick is meant to be an insult to African Americans. Not only do they exhibit him as a preschool drop-out but once you examine his living situation you will understand my point. Patrick lives under a rock, and all his furniture and belongings are made of sand. Without a doubt, Patrick lives in the Projects in the Bikini Bottom hood.

My point is that Television already corrupts people as it is. The last thing we need is to quicken the process. Another show that truly grinds my gears is Yo Gabba Gabba. I’ll spare you the grueling details but in a nut shell it teaches Children to become gangsters, before the age of four, with episodes that teach beat-boxing and probably drive by’s, gang colors and drug dealing (all in the much anticipated next season). Since when did childrens shows start to glamorize being a gangster. I thought that’s what rap music was for. Sooner or later such questionable characters as R Kelly will have their own children’s show. What Happened to the days when children’s television would be centered on a large purple dinosaur who gropes children on-screen.